Sunday, June 8th, 2008
The most important thing you can do is to understand the opposite sex. If you are a man you want to learn and know more about how women think and vice versa. One of the best way to do so is to investigate sexual fantasies or past sexual behavior. This is not something everybody can stomach, however, you can get the a very good idea of things by reading other people’s confessions. One source of such explicit confessions by women is the excellent book by Nancy Friday – My Secret Garden.
Anyway here’s some more food for thought…
“I used to sleep around.”
Jenni, 27, arts marketer, married for one year
Loves middle-of-the-night sex with her husband
Prefers to be on top
Never travels without her Pocket Rocket vibrator
Sleeps in Superman underwear“I used to worry that I wasn’t sexy or desirable enough, and as a result, I constantly sought attention and approval from men. I cheated on every one of my boyfriends. Fortunately, I grew up and learned to love myself, and that made it possible for me to fall in love with my husband, Doug – the first guy who saw through my sexpot act. He encourages me to be myself, in and out of bed, and seems to take so much pleasure from my pleasure that I now have real sexual confidence.”“I fell for my best friend when I was 17.”Kiki, 29, life coach, single and dating
Always makes the first move with women she likes
Uses text messaging as foreplay in public places
Has never had a drunken hookup – she’s a teetotaller
Has had sex in a taxi and on a Ferris wheel “The first time I had sex with a guy, I was completely unimpressed. I thought, “?Is this what everyone is hyping up?’ But since that is true about a lot of women’s first experiences, I wasn’t convinced I might be gay. That didn’t happen until I fell for my best friend when I was 17. I love that I’m able to challenge people’s assumptions about what being a lesbian is. Because if I’m gay, then their co-worker or the person next to them at the gym or their friend could be gay, too.”“At first, my boyfriend was embarrassed to hear my stories.”Chiara, 28, writer, in a one-year relationship
Has been known to put on her old cheerleader outfit to spice things up in the bedroom
Is obsessive about maintaining her Brazilian wax
Reads steamy stories to her boyfriend
Is attracted to type A personalities “Growing up I was taught that men only want to marry good girls, so I was quick to say “?Eew!’ to anything sex related. Then I signed up for a class on writing erotica, which really opened my mind. At first, my boyfriend was embarrassed to hear my stories. But he came around! Couples that last are the ones who can explore things within their relationship, so there’s no need to go looking for them elsewhere.”“My boyfriend and I have an open relationship.”Carrie, 27, designer, in a six-year relationship
Broke the futon the first time she slept with her boyfriend
Fantasises about Matthew McConaughey
Doesn’t believe in monogamy
Once kicked a guy out of bed for not having a condom“When I first brought up the possibility of an open relationship with my boyfriend, he was against the idea. But eventually he decided that as long as we were discreet, honest and respectful, there was no reason not to give it a try. Five years on, it’s still working out great. I tend to have longer side relationships; he meets people through friends or out at bars and has more short-term flings. Being allowed these exploits actually makes us more dedicated to each other.”“Now I love my body and I’ve learned not to worry about it in bed.”Lori, 33, manager, in a 10-month relationship
Used to overcompensate for her body insecurities by being aggressive in bed
Now thinks “plain, simple” sex is the best sex
Bans her cat from the bedroom when she’s fooling around
Has a thing for outdoor quickies on hiking trails“A few years ago, I was stuck in a relationship where the sexual chemistry was practically non-existent. The lack of spark made me feel unattractive, inadequate and so insecure about my body that we eventually stopped having sex altogether. Naturally, we broke up soon after that. A few months after we called it quits, a friend phoned me and suggested that I join her for a getaway to a retreat in America. Turned out clothing was optional! Eventually, I went naked myself. I realised that focusing on my imagined flaws – like my too-big butt – was a waste of time. Now I love my body and learned not to worry about it in bed!”“Believe me, I’ve tried to orgasm – on my own and with partners.”Emily, 21, student and tutor, single and dating
Has never had an orgasm
Loves trashy romance novels
Says random things during sex, like “I want ice cream!”
Spent two years of high school secretly dating a guy 10 years older than her“Believe me, I’ve tried to orgasm – on my own and with partners. I’ve read books, I’ve looked up info online, but there’s no manual designed just for me. Now I’m dating someone who’s willing to work with me, so I’m hopeful. He’ll ask, “?What do you like?’ I’ve always been preoccupied with making the guy feel good, and my automatic response used to be “?What do you like?’ But I’m learning how to honestly answer that question.”Confess upHaven’t had your fill of sex secrets just yet? Okay, then! Check out these stats from our survey of 3 000 women.
Have you ever had a threesome?
16% Yes
84% No
Have you used sex toys?
53% Yes
47% No
Have you ever cheated on a partner?
39% Yes
61% No
Do you like to talk dirty in bed?
63% Yes
37% No
This was originally published 9 March 2007 on IOL
Popularity: 2% [?]
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